I won't be blogging as much as in 2015 but I didn't want to leave the year with my last blog post because it was just a crazy mess. But there is beauty and purposes in messes. I never really had a clear purpose on why I kept blogging so openly but the last post ended up being an unexpected blessing. I was going through a hard time and I have lots of friends and family members that I could have talked to but instead I just told everyone what I was going through. And through that, the Lord sent the right person to say exactly the right things that I need to hear. And I am very grateful for my friend, Brandie, for making me see things in a different way that helped me tremendously.
So many of you encouraged me to not lose hope and to continue to pray for healing for my depression and to seek God. I did ask God for healing but I asked him for a different healing. I asked him for healing of my insomnia. And the very first day that I did that, I fell asleep and did not wake up again for 7 hours. It was amazing.. Next night 6 hours.. Since that day, I have had nights where I have woken up but not for the endless hours at a time. When I wake up in the night, I started reciting Scripture until I fall back asleep. I usually don't make it to 10. Getting sleep is HUGE towards finding strength to deal with depression so I am SO GRATEFUL for this answered prayer.
God also knows how it has been a daily prayer and struggle for me to find my identity in Him and to truly believe that He loves me and cares for me. So while I did not need the Lord to answer my prayer for insomnia, I would have loved Him just the same, it did open my eyes to a "wow" moment of remembering that God really does care about me.
I also started a booked called Who I am In Christ by Neil T. Anderson. It is a daily reminder to me. "I am not a product of the past. I am a child of God." It goes through our identity of Christ through acceptance, security and significance. It has blessed me in many ways.
And I am continuing to seek the Lord. I have a hunger for the Word that requires patience. Even though I am able to stop and read it and mediate on it several times a day, it's not enough for me. Patience... read some today, read some tomorrow. There is time. Praise the Lord for this hunger. If you don't have a hunger for the Word, I encourage you to ask Him for it. Ask him every single day. it will change your life.
I don't see my depression going away. There will be times of sadness still. But when walking with the Lord, I know that most of my days can be filled with joy and peace and hope. For my hope is in the Lord. And I know that He loves me. And I know that He cares about me. And as I keep my eyes set on Jesus, I will run the race before me with His strength holding me up the whole way.
Love to you all. Merry Christmas.
Psalms 36:5 Your steadfast love, O LORD, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds
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