Saturday, November 15, 2014

I am not giving up

Open..honest.. transparent.. judgment..discouragement...alone..

The first three words describe the beginning of my week and the last three describe the end of my week.  You see, when I start blogging, I forgot about one thing.. I was going to be judged.  And judgment doesn't come from my non-Christian friends.. it comes from my Christian friends. No, not EVERYONE.. I have had some AMAZING encouraging friends who have messaged me about my journey and I appreciate you so much!!  But apparently in my life of la la land, I forgot that not all were going to be as receptive for what I had to say.

And while we are throwing out adjectives or nouns or whatever.. let's throw in apathy.. there are just some people that just don't care that I am on this journey..

I am alone.. oh wait no I am not.  Christ is with me. And no matter what happens. that won't change. And no matter what happens, He is the only thing that I need.  Psalm 118:6-7 The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?

In the interest of honesty, I still feel alone.  I hide behind a computer screen. I have not yet had a single conversation with a real human about this amazing month I have had. The month where I discovered that Jesus is the most awesome thing in the whole universe. I am scared and for good reason.. people judge me.  It would have been a lot easier if I just kept pretending...pretending that I knew Jesus like everyone else...pretending like I didn't just NOW discover Jesus ...

Yes, something happened this week. Something that made me feel like I had just been thrown in front of a mac truck.  Something that washed waves of disappointment over me. Something I should have seen coming but didn't. And now I sit behind this computer.. I don't really know what to do next.

Pray.. I am going to keep on praying.  I am not giving up.  I am not giving up on you, dear reader. I brought you on this journey and as long as you keep clicking, I am going to drag you along with me.

But I will honest (aren't I always.. ha ha!), I need some real life friends. I know many of you I don't even see in real life and that's fine but if I do see you in real life, please talk to me, give me a hug, share a Bible verse, pray over me.. I don't care ...whatever the Lord places on your heart.  Cause it's been a rough week and I wouldn't mind the encouragement that I have some Christian friends that are going to walk this journey with me.

I am not giving up..


  1. I will pray and you pray for us too! We all need it. So glad you are being open and honest! Enjoyed seeing you this week!

  2. Awwe Amanda. You are being heard, and prayers are answered in a myriad of fashions because our relationships with G-d are intensely personalized. Your friends will manifest in church, at home and even on the intertubes.

    While it has been 20 years since we have seen each other, I have no doubt that you are being heard and supported by people you cannot even imagine, even some who are far from Christian.

    Be strong in who you are and your relationship with G-d will carry you through the troubles.

  3. Argh, I tried to comment on one of your earlier posts and it didn't go through for some reason and I didn't try again. Shame on me! I sat with you last night and could have mentioned it, but it didn't even occur to me. I had wanted to share that I remember when I found out the truth, too, that our purpose here is simply a relationship with Him. Things have never been the same since, and I am so delighted to hear that you have heard the same message! I would love to talk about the "alone" feelings. I think He must have a purpose for that, but please know that you are NOT alone, that you are loved and admired, not just by Him, but by some of us right beside you, too! {Hugs}

  4. I started praying for you when I read "My New Faith Journey." This is just wonderful! I, too, have left my first love and your blog puts a hunger in me that I long to return to Him.

  5. And Jesus hugs and washes dishes and sings and cleans house. We've done it together.