Saturday, November 15, 2014
I am not giving up
Open..honest.. transparent.. judgment..discouragement...alone..
The first three words describe the beginning of my week and the last three describe the end of my week. You see, when I start blogging, I forgot about one thing.. I was going to be judged. And judgment doesn't come from my non-Christian friends.. it comes from my Christian friends. No, not EVERYONE.. I have had some AMAZING encouraging friends who have messaged me about my journey and I appreciate you so much!! But apparently in my life of la la land, I forgot that not all were going to be as receptive for what I had to say.
And while we are throwing out adjectives or nouns or whatever.. let's throw in apathy.. there are just some people that just don't care that I am on this journey..
I am alone.. oh wait no I am not. Christ is with me. And no matter what happens. that won't change. And no matter what happens, He is the only thing that I need. Psalm 118:6-7 The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?
In the interest of honesty, I still feel alone. I hide behind a computer screen. I have not yet had a single conversation with a real human about this amazing month I have had. The month where I discovered that Jesus is the most awesome thing in the whole universe. I am scared and for good reason.. people judge me. It would have been a lot easier if I just kept pretending...pretending that I knew Jesus like everyone else...pretending like I didn't just NOW discover Jesus ...
Yes, something happened this week. Something that made me feel like I had just been thrown in front of a mac truck. Something that washed waves of disappointment over me. Something I should have seen coming but didn't. And now I sit behind this computer.. I don't really know what to do next.
Pray.. I am going to keep on praying. I am not giving up. I am not giving up on you, dear reader. I brought you on this journey and as long as you keep clicking, I am going to drag you along with me.
But I will honest (aren't I always.. ha ha!), I need some real life friends. I know many of you I don't even see in real life and that's fine but if I do see you in real life, please talk to me, give me a hug, share a Bible verse, pray over me.. I don't care ...whatever the Lord places on your heart. Cause it's been a rough week and I wouldn't mind the encouragement that I have some Christian friends that are going to walk this journey with me.
I am not giving up..